$ZUNSCREEN · THE ONLY HUMAN IN A ZOO OF DEGENS
AT WAR WITH THE SUN. THE ONE THING HE COULDN'T BUY.
He bought Instagram. He bought WhatsApp. The sun said no. Now it is war, and Mark Zunscreen is trying to acquire every mascot on Long while passing as a normal beach guy.
NO RUGS. ONLY RAYS. ▲ ZPF 50
Contract address
…
psst… press the Zunscreen
Sun exposure
Down 94%
Offers to the sun
Declined ×3
Acquisitions pending
Every mascot
Normal beach guy rating
100%
OFFICIAL PROSPECTUS, IN FULL: one (1) founder at war with the sun. Paired to $META on Long. ZPF 50. Aut Zunscreen aut nihil.
00 · THE ARCADE
FOUR GAMES. one beach guy, fully coated.
01 · THE MAIN ATTRACTION
SLATHER MODE. you do the painting this time.
DRAG ACROSS THE FACE → APPLY ZINC
✔ ZPF 50 ATH
He bought Instagram. He bought WhatsApp. The sun said no. Drag across his face until he's coated, and watch the ZPF climb with every dollop. Reach ZPF 50 and you've witnessed the entire business model.
Peer-reviewed* studies confirm a fully coated face blocks 100% of rays and most second thoughts. (*us, just now, at the beach)
02 · UV DEFENDER
THE SUN IS ATTACKING. you hold the big blue bottle.
Every META headline becomes a move against the sun. This one is yours: catch the rays before they land. The sun escalates. The bottle escalates harder.
Controls: move your mouse / finger across the sky, or use ← → keys. Every tenth block, the sun takes it personally.
03 · REAPPLY RUSH
REAPPLY. REAPPLY. do not stop reapplying.
Mark reapplies at the wrong moment. Every moment. Tap the bottles 🧴 as they surface; do not tap the sun ☀️. It's showboating, and it burns.
30 seconds on the clock. Three burns and the lifeguard calls it. Memory matters. Memory Moo Cow is watching.
04 · ACQUISITION SIMULATOR
BUY THE SUN. watch it decline, forever.
SIDE QUEST
TEN SQUIRTS. ONE MISSION.
While you're down here, 10 wiggling bottles 🧴 are hiding in the margins of this page. Catch every one. The Squirts Found counter in the nav keeps score.
05 · HOW TO BUY
HOW TO BUY. four steps, then go outside.
1 · PULL UP THE PAIR
Open Long and find the $ZUNSCREEN / $META pair. Squinting is optional but traditional.
2 · LOAD UP
Fund your wallet with spending money only. The sun does not accept IOUs.
3 · SQUEEZE THE SWAP
Trade into $ZUNSCREEN, confirm, and listen for the dollop.
4 · STAY OUT THERE
You are coated. Go outside. Reapply every two hours.
TERM SHEET
$ZUNSCREEN TERMS
… 06 · THE LORE
THE LORE. true stories, probably.
📈📊🧴EARNINGS CALL
Revenue up. Reach up. Sun exposure down 94%.
The slide is just the bottle.
🏛⚖️📷SENATE HEARING
Senator, we apply sunscreen.
Senator, visibly unsure how to follow up.
💻🧴🪑DORM ROOM, 2004
The first to apply sunscreen indoors. Nobody asked why. Nobody ever has.
🌊🏖️☀️BEACH DAY
Just a normal beach guy. Blending in.
07 · THE ECOSYSTEM
A ZOO OF DEGENS. one totally human human.
Mark Zunscreen ($ZUNSCREEN · $META) is the only mascot on Long with a jawline, a term sheet, and a face you can see from orbit. He wants Al Inu's approval. Qubit ignores him. He's gotta acquire 'em all. He is trying to acquire all of them.
CURRENTLY ACQUIRING: AL INU · BONER · MOO COW · VIAGRA INU · SPACEHOOD · BOXY · QUBIT · GASOLINU · AND ANYONE ELSE ON LONG
SHARED PLAYBOOK: LONG WORDPLAY · MASCOTS IN EACH OTHER'S ART · TICKER LAST · STAY OUT THERE